Monday, November 17, 2008

Review of JCVD


JCVD ***
Directed by Mabrouk El Mechri
Starring Jean-Claude Van Damme

OH YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

No, you don't understand-

OH, I UNDERSTAND COMPLETY! YOU GAVE A JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME MOVIE 3 STARS?

Well, it was a good one?

HOW CAN THAT BE? HE ONLY KNOWS HOW TO DO MARTIAL ARTS.

Well, actually he does act. In fact he was quite good in it, and even gives a very long monologue directly to the audience.

WELL, HE PROBABLY JUST STARRED IN ANOTHER BRAINLESS ACTION MOVIE.

No, not really. If I were to connect to another film with this one, I would connect to 8 1/2.

YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! THAT MOVIE IS ART! THIS IS A VAN DAMME MOVIE! HOW CAN YOU COMPARE A VAN DAMME MOVIE TO MASTRIOANNI MOVIE?

Well, JCVD is obviously far from the standards of 8 1/2, but it has a similar idea. The actor is down on his luck, exhausted by his personal troubles, returning to his dear Belgium, and get holed up a rather existential situation.

EXSISTENTIALISM AND VAN DAMME! NOW I HEARD EVERYTHING!

Well, this is no joke. The plot is actually good as Van Damme ends up into a bank hold-up surrounded by rather maniacal robbers. It's one big meta-film, as Van Damme ends up into an action movie setting. There's also a long tracking shot that deconstructs the workings of a movie set. And we have these Felliniesque fantasy moments at some points in the film.

I LIKE MY FILMS WEIRD AND FULL OF ART. WHY SHOULD I SEE THIS MOVIE?

It's a rather complex character study that will entertain you through out, and gives you a second look at the man himself. So, put all your preconceived notions behind, and just see this movie. This film has unexectedly deep performance by Van Damme, and it gives you a good feeling at the end, as Van Damme has now restarted his life in a way. Something you need to do, you ignorant fool.

UM... OKAY.... I'LL SEE THE MOVIE.

Good boy. I think I convinced you enough.


"Okay Van Damme. We admit, Bloodsport was pretty awesome."

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